On Our Way

So we had our first (and only) home study visit today.  Our social worker had a cancellation so it was a little last minute but we were prepared paperwork-wise.  BUT since I'm super anal about my house being uber clean when we have guests (except for my mom, sorry mom) Blake and I went into Merry Maids mode.  We had all week to get the house perfect but with a sick kiddo it was tough.  Anyway, the house looked great and the visit went even better.  Super easy actually.  I was prepared for some intense questions about how I would deal with racism or a grieving baby, but nope.  Nothing more intense than questions about whether or not I've ever had problems with drugs or alcohol.  Our social worker has been doing this for 34 years so she got us through the questions pretty quickly.  And even though Kinley was up part of the night with a 103 degree fever and felt like poo, she was sweet and did great playing by herself while we visited with our social worker. 

Anyway, that's over!  Whew!  I'm so glad to have that part done and have us on our way.  Now our social worker will put together our home study, we will review it, and it will be sent to Holt for them to approve.  Then it will be sent to Korea!  Yay!  The only homework we have is to complete 10 hours of adoption parenting classes.  This can be done online through our placement agency, Holt.  I'm actually kind of excited about this part because adopting a 10 month old IS NOT EASY.  It's not like you miss all the sleepless nights and crying newborn and all is perfect.  You get a sweet child who sees you only as a complete stranger, who can not understand a word you say, and who grieves and cries out for their foster mother.  Attachment can take months.  Long story short, it ain't easy.  Anyway, back to the 10 hours of parenting classes.  I looked at some of the curriculum on Holt's website, and I found this.  I think most of it applies to all parents.

JOB DESCRIPTION



WANTED: Unique people with a variety of talents and interests for highly rewarding, low


paying work, with great long-term benefits!


Study or experience in the following fields required:


1. Yoga, Gymnastics or related field. This position requires extensive flexibility, and the


need to occasionally bend over backwards.


2. Code Breaking for deciphering odd behavior and languages. Some experience in sign


language helpful.


3. Nursing. Job demands the healing of many wounds. Knowledge of Band-Aid and


hugging use a must.


4. Cheerleading, in order to better root for your children.


5. Shepherding for guiding them in the right direction.


6. Housekeeping skills, for mopping up tears.


7. Gardening to help children blossom into their full potential after experiencing transplant


shock.


8. Mediation to promote conflict resolution.


9. Drill Sergeant, or other supervisory skills, to keep the troops in proper formation.


10. Choir leadership to sing praises and promote harmony.


11. Architecture in order to build bridges and firm foundations.


12. Mechanic, to assure things are all running smoothly under the hood.


13. Tour Guide, in order to show your child whole new worlds.


14. Pilot to help them soar.


15. Detective to track down important information, support groups and other necessary


services to best assist your child.


16. Comedy. This job is impossible to do without a good sense of humor and ability to laugh


at one’s self. Experience as member of comedy troupe will be beneficial.


17. Related talents recommended:


a. Ability to go without sleep for long stretches of time.


b. Ability to go without seeing immediate benefits of job.


c. Ability to try new foods, activities, groups of friends with an open mind.


d. Ability to run around during the day—Olympic decathlon candidates welcome.


e. Patience, patience, patience.
 
I also wanted to share something else.  I have joined a Korea family forum on Holt's website and it is full of amazing women (and a few dads) who share all their ups and downs and information that they gather pre and post adoption.  Here is a recent post by one of the moms who will be traveling to Korea in about a month to pick up her son.
 
So stay with me on this one... but there's this Sushi restaurant that we go to and the owner's Son is in college and he is transferring to a college in Southern California. (his name is Kris) Anyway, DD LOVES him (yes, she's 3 and he's like.. 20) and she's known as his 'number one fan' at the Sushi restaurant. Anyway, he invited us to come to his 'going away party' - which consisted of a bunch of college age kids going to this trampoline place where you just jump around. While I was there, I was able to meet Kris's friend Alex - who is Korean.


I'm thinking Alex is probably around the same age as they're all school friends. Anyway, he came from Korea 5 years ago. So I started asking him questions about gifts for the foster family, and I also asked him if I could hire him to teach me some Korea and write some stuff in hangul for me (for the name chops). I explained that I was a Korean adoptee, but that I can't speak Korean, and that I'll probably be going there in about a month. We only spoke for about 20 minutes, but I learned some pretty interesting stuff (at least it was to me).

For instance - when asking about our FM gifts (ours is 68) the first thing out of his mouth was 'old people LOVE vitamins. You know the large container of vitamins from Costco? They go CRAZY over that stuff!' (so to all those sending care packages - vitamins are still a top notch gift! ) and the best thing for me is that he gave me a suggestion for the two boys in our FF. (one is 18, the other is 21). He suggested T-shirts from Abercrombie that SAY Abercrombie on them. I told him that I considered doing that before, but looked it up at there was an Abercrombie in Korea. He said that anything Abercrombie out there is probably fake and made in China. So I'm excited about that option for a gift (I'm assuming I can find something on clearance at our mall).


The other thing that I thought was pretty interesting, is that when he found out that I was adopting, he said he would like to help me 'for free' because of what I was doing. He said that no one adopts in Korea, and if there's a kid who is adopted, they are made fun of in middle school and have a hard time. He said, 'it would be really hard for them... there would be a sadness in them they would carry forever.' That makes me really sad.


I told him about Charlie and how he would be considered 'special needs' and he said, 'Anyone with a disability.... they would... it would be really hard for them.' (this was in reference to growing up in Korea) Which again makes me sad.


Anyway, it was a really interesting and brief conversation, but I'm really looking forward to setting up my first 'Korean Lesson'.

Very interesting and sad, huh?  I can't believe the stigma that is attached to adoption in Korea.  I know we're going to have our own issues with our adopted child but he or she will never feel less than in our family.  I can't wait to have him or her home!